Online Dating Profile Names I am Leery Of

Little Known Online Dating Websites

The sea of online dating websites these days is big enough to drown a whale. We all know the 3 or 4 that spend massive amounts in advertising but did you know there are also THESE gems to fish around in as well?

  • (I can almost sign up for this one)
  • (There was also a – but it was deemed racist)
  • (don’t tell the goat!)
  • (I’m assuming there is also, &
  • (I DID NOT make that up!)
  • (I’d do it for the furniture)

Ohhhh yes people… if you are ALIVE – there is an online dating website painfully specific to YOU!! Clowns? Yep! –Want to be peed on? Yep! — Into Mullets? Yep!


First Things First

If you have ever been on an online dating website, you know that the first thing you’re tasked with (ok the 2nd – they make you pay first) – is choosing a username or handle. Kill me now. I just use my initials – because, well honestly thats as much about me as I am willing to put out there but at least its actually “me.” I don’t date much, and I am pretty sure these sites are why…I just can’t get with the program I guess. Hopefully though, I can share some funny stories and we can all get at least some value out of the subscription cost.


There is one site in particular that will “randomly” choose a name FOR you if your creative juices just aren’t flowing on the spot and you need to get on in there and find your Cupid. There are only so many variations of the handful of words the name generator uses so it becomes painfully obvious very quickly that this was not a unique or inspired username. For instance;

  • Surprisingly Loyal: at some point he realized that he was loyal AFTER ALL!
  • Very Brave: but not completely...see below
  • Completely Brave: how can he be sure? (He hasn’t met me yet)
  • Monstrously Sweet: I am picturing Sulley
  • Royally Huggable: like the opposite of Queen Elizabeth…oh I get it!
  • Surprisingly Funny: again with the surprises… did he not already KNOW he was funny?
  • Brilliant Ride: I’d say that “I’ll be the judge of that”…but I won’t – say it or be it.
  • Certainly Clever: says who?
  • Merrily Outdoorsy: aka gay lumberjack

    Photo courtesy of The Advocate
  • Really Clever: as in lying, cheating and such? he’s probably not nearly as clever as he thinks…
  • Covertly Energetic: aka Overtly Lazy
  • Creatively Kind: … kindness doesn’t require creativity
  • Passionately Smart: I got nothing here – except disappointment and skepticism

The list of the generated names goes on endlessly… and I just see those names and think – wow – this person couldn’t even be bothered to come up with a name that will be their first impression on their profile. NEXT.


These are the ones people actually make up for themselves…I honestly don’t know which is worse – the random or the intentional.

  • All Man & Amazing: There is something to be said about confidence…but I won’t say it.
  • It Is What It Is: This fills me with so much optimism about this person.
  • Happy Gilmore: I wonder if they have actually ever seen this movie? Not a great image to project.
  • Pain Killer: Tip: dating profile names with the word “KILLER” anywhere in the mix…bad idea.
  • Slacker: Honesty at its finest.
  • Camping,Fishing: Keep it simple stupid.
  • RULKN4SUMTRBLE2GETN2: It took me 24 minutes to figure out what that said.
  • The Naked Gardner: I was excited at first…and then I noticed his age… 67
  • 55goingOn40: aka IamIMMATUREforMYage
  • I’llBEyourSCORE: you’ll be my forfeit
  • A Breed Apart: from what???
  • Limitless Blessings: Seems a little blasphemous…
  • The ONE: LIES… all lies
  • Nice Guy: If I had a dime…
  • Waiting 4U: make yourself comfortable

Anonymous & Hiding

When people want to “sniff around in the dark” (so to speak)…you see a lot of this;

aka – “iAMmarried”
aka “NOBODY”



If you can’t read between the lines ^^^ those should say “iAMmarried” – and those folks should be looking into Ashley Madison for their kicks.


Why do we do it?

Why do we do it? I ask myself that question all the time. For me, I think its entertainment mostly plus a great resource for good blog topics, I could probably write off the expense of the subscriptions now that I think about it. I have met some really nice people, and a couple of jerks but mostly just busy people like me who don’t have much opportunity for adult interaction beyond the workplace. (And I use the term “adult” loosely – regarding most work places I know of.) When you are grown, have kids, a job, responsibilities and are just plain tired…what else are you going to do to meet people? So we sign up, log in and stare at the “sea of faces” in hopes that someone might say something funny or ridiculous so we can at least get a little chuckle as we scroll. What kind of funny stuff have you seen online? Tell me!

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