Mud, Muck and Fog
14 years ago I embarked on a journey that would take me far far away from myself. So far away, that by the time it was ending I didn’t know where to find the person I used to be. I felt lonely, confused and scared… which was completely by design at the hands of a person I loved very much. It was a long hard road through the mud & muck but I am telling my story about narcissistic abuse and healing after “clearing the fog.”
Chapter 1 is about where I was emotionally when I met “him” and about the 1st time I felt that knot in my stomach that I would become very familiar with in the years to come. That 1st time, it wasn’t even brought on by “him” – it was after witnessing his Father mistreat his Mother at a family dinner I had been invited to in the first few weeks of our relationship. Ironically, “food” and “cooking” and “dining” would prove to be a major point of contention between us, or…maybe not so “ironic” after all.
If “red flags” – “boundaries” – “gaslighting” – and “narcissistic abuse” are words you find yourself saying or thinking a lot…you may find comfort in learning you are not alone. This type of abuse has text book characteristics. Once you learn the cycles of narcissistic abuse its a lot easier to reconnect with reality and start working towards an exit. If you think you are being emotionally abused, its probably a good time to seek professional help to deal with co-dependency & possibly complex PTSD. Building your support system back is also a key step in the right direction. Gaining a “sense of reality” again is probably the hardest part – but with education about the exact way you lost it… you will slowly unravel the web of confusion that was spun to keep you constantly off balance.
THE CYCLE OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
Idealize, Devalue, Discard. (Rinse & Repeat….forever.) The visual charts and information in this link are amazing to shed light on the insane cycle of abuse that comes with a narcissist.
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